Before we start, this blog is dedicated to somebody special to me who is having a really tough time right now. Keep your chin up sweetheart, you've got a big, dumb, shaved ape watching your back and this blog is purely to cheer you up.
Right, so i have realized i have a new fear. Christopher Walken as a cyborg killing machine from the future sent to kill everybody and everything so the machines can mate and spread their evil spawnbots. And why would i be legitimately afraid of this? Have you ever seen a cyborg Christopher Walken?
Fucking hell.....
UUUUURGH I am SO hungover right now, so hungover infact, i would sleep with Kerry Katona to get rid of it! Toad in the hole for lunch cooking... usually heaven but the smell is turning my stomach like a motherfucker. I literally feel like someone put a sleeping bat in my stomach and then screemed down my throat.
Uuuuurgh did i really just spell "Screamed" as 'screemed'?
Right!! WHY does every single African child feel like they have to run behind a car when it goes through their town???? Are they magnetic?? What we're seeing is children running and waving, but whats really happening is they are screaming and trying to flail their arms to get your attention as you speed up and drive away. Because i'm an Arsehole i'd probably stamp on the breaks and see how many of them go steaming face first into the back of the car hahaha poor little bastards.
Now i've picked on African children, its time to pick on the blind.
I've always wanted to get a MASSIVE perspex sheet with handles on it (like a giant Riot Shield) and stand in front of a blind person with it, as they are turning you move with them so it appears they have walked into a plastic box and can't get out. That will probably kick up a stink on here but if i was blind, i'd want to have tricks like that played on me!
When i was in a Wheelchair for a couple of months, my friends would take my crutches and jam them in the wheels in such a way that i couldn't go anywhere.... that in my opinion was comedy gold.
Anyway... i gotta get my arse in gear and make myself ready for eating something... wish me luck, i feel like a Shit and Horse Cum Baguette.
Tatty Bye! <3
